What is ‘Ant’?
Ant is my new collection of poems. Or is it the same poem? That’s for you to decide. Maybe it’s a new art form, the repeated refrain and compulsory ingredients leading to a strict regulatory poetic style which anyone might then imitate, play with, subvert. Or maybe I’m just having a laugh.
The Ant poems retell the same situation thirty times, that of a man with his uncle, who’s eating a bonbon, the nephew realising that his uncle has an ant crawling on the brim of his flat cap. It really is that simple. Only there are subtle variations, subtexts, tangents and asides, because life is never really as simple as we think. So many different things can happen, and do, that it’s quite impossible to come up with a definitive recap of the story.
I had great fun writing the Ant poems and I’m sure that you will have great fun reading them. You can download your own copy of the pamphlet at this link.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ant-Robert-Garnham-ebook/dp/B071JDZJ7X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1496822754&sr=8-1&keywords=Robert+Garnham+Ant
Tag Archives: poems
An Interview with Melanie Branton
One of my best friends in the world of spoken word is Melanie Branton. Best friends in that we chat about things that aren’t to do with poetry or spoken word. She’s a wonderful person who I really admire, and I also think she’s one of the funniest people I know. Her poetry mixes page and performance, and is widely acclaimed. She has been published by some of the top publications and has headlined at some of the top nights in the country. Not only was she the Hammer and Tongue regional winner last year, but she came second at the Bristol Poetry Slam the year before. Only the best spoken word artists come second at the Bristol Poetry Slam. The really, really good ones who everyone loves and admire come second at the Bristol Poetry Slam.

I was so glad when Melanie agreed to be interviewed because I wanted to get to the root of what it is that makes her such a distinctive, funny and heartfelt performer.
1. Your poetry is distinctive, funny and heartfelt. How important is it to draw on personal experience in your work?
Very. It’s been both very therapeutic for me in dealing with dark moments of my life that were still casting a shadow and a way of engaging with audiences in a deeper way. If you have the courage to expose something private about yourself, if you make yourself vulnerable before an audience, they will usually connect with you.
I didn’t always write like this. I started writing traditional light verse about “funny ideas” that were very far removed from me. But, 9 times out of 10, “funny ideas” are clichés, aren’t funny, and entrench dodgy, discriminatory world views (Mothers-in-law are dragons! Menopausal women are kooky and hysterical!) and it was a way of avoiding saying anything meaningful that might expose my own personality and history to scrutiny. Spoken word forced me to open up about myself more, take greater risks and made my poetry much better.
But that’s just me – not everyone has to write like this. Ultimately poetry has to be judged on its emotional impact and the quality of the writing, not its truth: I can’t be doing with all these “scandals” where slam audiences feel “cheated” when they find out that the poet they gave 10s to for his/her heartrending personal story doesn’t really have inoperable cancer/a dead twin brother/a history of childhood abuse (delete as applicable). Judge on the quality of the work, not on who’s got the biggest sob story, then maybe people won’t feel compelled to make stuff up.
2. You have an encyclopaedic knowledge of the modern poetry scene. In terms of page poets, who are your influences, and who do you admire?
Well, it’s more of a Dummy’s Guide-ic knowledge, actually.
There are some writers I admire and would love to write like, but know I never will (e.g. Emily Dickinson, Seamus Heaney). Then there are some writers that I used to read a lot of when I was a teenager. I’m not so into their work anymore, it’s not where my taste is now, but I can still see their influence in what I write (e.g. John Betjeman, Roger McGough).But there are some writers I love whose influence on my work is obvious – Selima Hill (who’s probably my favourite living poet) being a particular case in point.
Writers I’ve been reading a lot of lately include Miriam Gamble, James Lasdun, Clare Pollard, Katherine Pierpoint, Penelope Shuttle, Philip Gross, but I have no idea if they’ve influenced me.
I lived in Poland for 4 years and I think I’m also influenced by Polish poets, from the stark attempts of Tadeusz Różewicz to construct a new poetics, after a Holocaust that had debased all that had gone before, to the playful, rather Dr Seuss-like absurdist, Konstanty Ildefons Gałczyński
If this has not already become obvious, I am totally obsessed by poetry
3. And what about performance poets?
One of the first spoken word artists I ever saw was Stacy Makishi and I am in awe of people like her, who are multidisciplinary performance artists, not just poets. Chanje Kunda has massively impressed me, in that total performance way.
It’s unfashionable to say so, but I like the traditional, rhymey-rhymey, almost music hall performance poets, like John Cooper Clarke and Pam Ayres. And people like Luke Wright, who I suppose are keeping this tradition alive.
I very much admire both Anna Freeman and Harry Baker. I think Harry’s breathtaking, ostentatious technical skill is a welcome corrective in a scene where the content cart is often put before the form-and-language horse. And I like the fact that he writes about nerdy things that no-one else does, like the vagaries of the German language and the joys of Maths.
I also very much admire you.
4. You’ve had success both in slams and in publication. What plans do you have for the immediate future?
I never have plans – I bumble along in a permanent state of vagueness. But I have a hazy aim to get a collection published in the next year or so and to get enough bookings to at least be able to convincingly pretend my job is poet on my passport. I’d also like to have a go at putting a one-hour show together, possibly on the subject of language, which seems to be a recurrent theme in what I’m writing at the moment.
5. A lot of your poems are very, very funny. How important is being funny in a performative context?
Thank you! I rarely set out to be funny (and when I do, I’m invariably not). Because I have a reputation mostly as a comic poet, audiences often want to find me funny and will laugh at poems I actually intended to be serious.
Then again, I think most really funny poetry has a serious core. I see that a lot with your stuff – the reason it’s so funny is because it touches on profound human truths and fears. Most of your poems have very serious ideas about loneliness, being afraid of not being good enough or not fitting in, or gay politics lurking somewhere behind them. Real belly laughs come, not from a clever pun or rhyme, but from people recognising something about themselves in what you’ve said.
I’ve been to some events where funny poems were clearly looked down on as being trite, unworthy, so last century, which annoys me. I think you can often make a serious point more subtly and effectively through comedy than you can through being all earnest about it. And even if it is just fluff, what’s so terrible about that? Writing effective fluff still takes a lot of skill and it makes people happy.
The poems of mine that get the biggest laughs are usually ones where I’m emotionally offloading. Like “Everything Reminds Me Of You”, which is barely a poem at all – it’s just random stream-of-consciousness. I was long-term unemployed when I wrote it, had just had a really harsh rejection letter for about the 50,000th job I’d applied for and was trying to take solace in a creepily intense, one-sided crush on a man I slightly knew and had friended on social media. It’s ostensibly about a crush, but it’s really about the thousand and one desperate, delusional ways we try to create some happiness for ourselves in a world where nothing good ever happens.
Both the best and the worst thing about funny poems is that it’s easier to gauge how well you’ve gone down. If the audience laughs very loudly, you know your poem hit the spot. If they receive it in stony silence, you know you’ve failed miserably. Whereas, with serious poems, it’s all a lot more mysterious. Is that silence the pregnant silence of an enraptured audience hanging on your every word? Or is it the silence of 200 bored people simultaneously letting their minds drift onto whether they left the gas on and whether Tesco Express will still be open when they leave the venue and if there’ll still be any cat food left?
One thing I like to do is to switch to a serious poem after a string of comic ones. Audiences usually hate this. They start off laughing, because they assume I’m still trying to be funny, then as the penny drops, the laughs start to dry up and they look deeply, deeply uncomfortable, because they can’t work out what I expect of them and they feel stupid for having laughed in the first place. And this is exactly how I want them to feel. Because if I’m doing a poem about my mental illness or having been raped, I damn well want the audience to feel uncomfortable – I don’t want them to be sitting there having a feelgood moment, smugly congratulating themselves on how right-on and compassionate they are, which I feel happens way too much in spoken word.
6. How do you rehearse and memorise your work?
I don’t rehearse enough – I spend a lot of time on trains and much of my rehearsal consists of running through lines in my head while on the Taunton to Bristol Parkway line. Or pacing around mouthing the lines sotto voce on a draughty platform.
Fortunately, I have always had a near-photographic memory, so memorisation has rarely been a major challenge (although I have dried on poems I knew well when nervous and the first outing for any poem is often a hit-and-miss affair). It helps if the poem is a narrative one, especially if it’s in chronological order, because it’s pretty obvious that C comes after B. Rhyme ought to help, but it’s also much more obvious when you get wrong.
7. What would you say was your best gig?
That’s a hard one to answer, as every gig is special in its own way (unless it goes badly, in which case it’s hideous).
The Bristol Slam in 2014, where I came second, has a special place in my heart, though, because it was about six months after I had taken up spoken word and was the first event where I felt I got taken seriously as a poet. I’d done a few slams before then and even won one of them, but I’d never felt I’d had more than a lukewarm reaction from the audience and the last couple had gone very badly (as in, I got given 6s when everybody else was getting 9s). I was on the verge of accepting that I just didn’t have what it takes and giving up. And then I turned up for one last hoorah, expecting to come last and totally humiliate myself again, and it was like a fairy tale (or, at least, a cheesy made-for-TV movie) – the audience treated me like a rock star, the expert judges gave me incredibly flattering scores and people seemed to assume I was a pro who knew what I was doing. It was the first time I really believed I might be somewhat good at this. I was so overwhelmed, I kept trying to hug the woman sitting next to me, in the emotion of the moment completely forgetting she was a total stranger.
Both times I’ve appeared at Raise The Bar have also been amazing. Danny always manages to attract an enormous audience. It’s also a very young audience – I felt a bit like Ronald McDonald – but an insanely enthusiastic one and one which really listens and thinks about what it’s heard and is open to all kinds of poetry. It’s definitely my favourite night in Bristol at the moment.
8. What would be the overriding theme of your poetry, if there is one?
I’m probably best known for my poems moaning about my epically rubbish lovelife. I do write poems about other things, but those seem to be the ones that are the most popular.
9. How do you write? Do you have a specific time and place and set of procedures, or do you wait for inspiration to strike?
No, I don’t have any kind of system. I usually just wait for inspiration to strike, but I do sometimes give it a helping hand – I attend a brilliant poetry group where we’re given a set theme every month; if I know there’s a write-in at a café near me, I’ll try to go along; and I find that nothing coaxes the muse out of hiding like a deadline, so I will look up calls for submissions and force myself to produce something by the cut-off date.
Some of my poems come very easily, others take months of agonised tinkering.
10. One of your poems is a hilarious critique of slam poetry styles. Do you see a certain dominant style at such events? Does it help to be distinctive?
People often interpret that poem as a damning critique of slam poetry, but I actually wrote it when I was preparing for a major slam and was putting myself under enormous pressure to come up with the perfect poem, that would tick all the right boxes. Of course, I produced nothing but shit during this period, as I wasn’t being myself – I was trying to manufacture poetry with cynical, mercenary intentions, and be who other people wanted me to be. That never works. It’s not so much a critique of slam poetry as a critique of my own Machiavellian ambition and cackhanded slam tactics.
That said, there are things in slam poetry that piss me off and it does come out in that poem. In particular, I hate the amount of virtue-signalling that goes on at slams – people writing safe, anodyne poetry that preaches to the converted and doesn’t attempt to tell people anything they don’t already know. Yes, there are too many racists and homophobes in the world, but by and large they don’t attend spoken word events, so if you’ve come to tell people racism and homophobia is bad, you’re probably in the wrong venue.
Going back to your question, I think it helps to be distinctive with expert judges and with promoters and publishers, who are heartily sick of seeing Tesco Value versions of Kate Tempest and Shane Koyczan and want to see people who have their own things to say.
Some slam audiences, though, really don’t want you to be distinctive. If you don’t sound like a carbon copy of every other slam poet they’ve ever heard, they think you’re doing it wrong. That’s something that frustrates me. Fortunately, though, those audiences are in the minority – most spoken word audiences are very embracing and eclectic.
New York Poems
New York 1.
They say that Manhattan is a state of mind
But I’ve looked on the map
And it’s definitely there.
It doesn’t stop,
Not even in the dead of night,
The rumbling, the growl,
Inexorable,
No wonder they look so angry.
I went into Starbucks at five in the morning
And there was already a queue.
Shuffling jittery city dwellers,
The insomniacs and the early risers,
The boy who cannot sleep in
The city that never sleeps,
Nothing more offputting than a
Mardy pre-caffeine New Yorker.
Don’t take coffee, I take
Well actually I do take coffee,
Thanks for asking,
And maybe one of those tarts.
I’m English, you know.
Sitting in the window and watching
The cyclists,
Weaving, open-mouthed.
Stop lights mean nothing to them,
Life seems so tentative,
These two-wheeled mosquitoes,
How many of them end up
Plastered on the front of those
Big-assed delivery trucks that you see,
Or some nobhead’s Humvee?
I thought the barista was only being nice
When he asked me for my name.
He repeated it with a smile, all
Rhotic on the consonants,
Elongating the vowels in a way
They don’t normally get pronounced,
Making my heart all fluttery
Until I notice he’d written it on my cup.
It’s the familiar things
That make me feel at home.
Crushing disappointment,
And the fact that they
Also have McDonalds over here.
New York 2.
I need one with a shot of espresso.
You’re the newbie, you’ll need this.
There’s a whole bunch of confidence there.
She never told anyone
But she likes attention.
She’s like that with every guy, trust me.
And then she can cut him out, say uh-oh,
It’s like oh, it’s bad, she’ll go far,
She got green locker room doors,
She won’t try to apologise.
I don’t have an issue with her.
Every time I told her she gave me the one two.
I used to consider you a friend
And I was your friend whatever.
(Found poem, three NYPD police women chatting in a coffee shop at the next table).
New York 3.
The way he’s sitting
And what he’s wearing
And his hair
Those are the definites.
His sensitive eyes
His long eyelashes and the
Way he just looked
At that jogger,
Those are the peripheries.
And the hoodie,
American Dance Theatre,
Alvin Ailey,
Whatever that is.
(I will google it later).
It’s all mostly symbolic
I feel
I know him.
New York 4.
She took my hand and danced with me
Amid the noise and clamour and cacophony
Of Times Square
As the skyscrapers whirled in their
Concrete and glass delirium,
She yelled
Above the engines and the horns and the
Shouting and the hooters and the sirens and the roar
And the buzz and the energy and the excitement
And the rush and the glee and the pulsing rhythms
Of the city in all its brash omnipotence,
Sorry,
I thought you were my husband.
New York 5.
(Amid the Abstract Expressionists, MoMa)
He, who isn’t here
Would have haunted these
Very pictures,
Broken nose to canvas
And a ready opinion.
Losing himself
In the Pollock
And it’s intricate action,
Felt a spark of the very now,
And would have known everyone
On first name terms.
Jasper. Jackson. Elaine. Robert. Mark.
The boy with the red trainers,
A sly flitting nonchalant phantom
Who will blond my dreams
With his purposeful demeanour
Right now here and
F would have approved.
New York 6.
I’ve only got one joke about denim.
A one liner about crinoline.
I’ve only got a couple of puns about nylon
And a quip about silk
Basically,
I’ve run out of material.
New York 7.
(Written in Tom’s Diner)
I wasn’t sitting near the window.
I was at the counter.
But it was still the diner on the corner
And the burger was mighty fine
On a drizzly Manhattan Saturday.
And there’s a ball game on the tv screen,
Notre Dame are playing NC State
And I’m not sure what the sport is
But they’ve all got helmets and shoulder pads.
There’s a picture from a magazine
Of Jerry Seinfeld on the wall and he’s
Kind of looking at me imperiously
As I eat my burger which,
As I said, is mighty fine.
I’ve got that tune in my head now,
You know the one.
The Seinfeld tv theme music.
I probably wouldn’t have come here
If it wasn’t for, you know,
These two things.
New York 8.
The Staten Island ferry
Everyone is merry
They’re all waving at me!
Am I a celebrity?
Have I been recognised?
Am I famous here?
No, they’re
Wiping mist from the windows
Of the inside seating area.
I’m depressed now.
New York 9.
She purred
Hold on there, honey,
I’ll just put you through
On to line number three.
There was barely a click.
No static.
She’s such a
Smooth operator.
New York 10.
I want to go out with Rhys.
I want to have a date with Rhys.
I want to spend quality time with Rhys.
I want to get to know Rhys.
I want to be with Rhys.
I want to make out with Rhys
I want to express my love for Rhys
I want to have relations with Rhys
I want to be at peace
With Rhys.
I say to Rhys
Please
Rhys
Please
Rhys
Please please please
Rhys Rhys Rhys
Rhys
Come on
Don’t be a tease
Put me at my ease
I haven’t got flees
You are the bees
Knees
Rhys
Rhys
What do you say?
Rhys
What of it, Rhys what of it, Rhys what do you reckon?
You and me Rhys please Rhys what do you think Rhys
Me and you Rhys you and me Rhys us together Rhys
Rhys
Us together Rhys us together Rhys us us us
Together together together
Rhys
Rhysie babes.
Please
Oh dear!
Rhys has gone walking off.
Rhys has gone walking off.
Rhys has gone walking off.
Rhys has gone walking off.
Rhys has gone walking off.
Rhys has gone walking off.
Rhys
Has called the police.
New York 11.
The big pancake. The big muffin.
The big nausea. The big nothing.
The broad one. The tall one.
The big fella. The concrete devotional.
The prostrate giant. The cosmopolitan.
The metropolitan. The big breakfast.
The all day lunch. The concrete funnel.
The distorted mirror. The seismic cherry.
The license to chill. The delicatessen.
The bad boy. The big bad boy,
Cavernous potholes so deep you’ll
Lose yourself for a week.
The big dependable. The three-way delicious.
The exuberant fruit. The hungry papa.
The pumping beehive. The big badger.
The big glacial. The big crazy.
The big security. The big despicable.
The big beat. The big Apple.
New York 12.
No ghost dance
On these gentle hills
Nor ceremonial gatherings
On the granite outcrops,
Central Park no wilderness,
Just the whisper of
Other people’s conquests
Too rooted in the now
To wander successfully.
New York 13.
Melissa loves her new boyfriend
She was telling me
He’s got it all and she’s fallen for him
And love is a tentative thing,
It makes her heart sing
That just a glimpse of him
Makes her all tingly inside.
Tell me more, said I.
His name is
Bruce.
It’s amazing,
It’s true love.
We haven’t actually been on a date,
But we shared the taxi home
From a Eurovision Song Contest party
And he was so nice.
He didn’t even touch me.
What a gentleman.
I’ve already changed my
Facebook relationship status.
He’s not like other men.
He doesn’t try to impress you
With a list of all the blokey masculine
Macho things he’s done.
He’s ever so retro.
He likes antiques.
Old things. Ancient things.
He loves Cher.
He has a big droopy moustache
The kind that women in the seventies
Used to love.
He works on boats.
You never see him without his sailor’s cap.
But he also likes the countryside,
He loves camping.
And cottages.
He’s so manly
Yet he’s not afraid to show his emotions.
Just the opening chords of I Will Survive
Has him in floods of tears.
He has the soul of a rebel,
And a connoisseurs appreciation
Of the female form
In all it’s beauty.
Lady Gaga, Kylie Minogue,
Liza Minnelli, Judy Garland
Barbra Streisand.
Cher.
He’s a punk demon tearing up the road with his
Motorbike,
Which I haven’t seen
But he wears lots of leather
And he says there’s nothing better than a
Big one throbbing between his legs.
He’s the man for me!
He’s so caring.
He doesn’t want to upset whoever
Gave him the Tshirt that reads,
It’s Raining Men.
But he wears it all the time.
And on the back it says
Hallelujah.
He’s coming round tomorrow night,
I’m going to tell him the way I feel
Over quiche.
He says he’ll do my nails
And watch a box set of the Golden Girls.
I might put the football on.
He was telling me
How much he likes footballers.
And ball sports in general.
He’s the man for me!
I’ve got him some whiskey.
He says he likes a stiff one
Before bed.
So what do you think?
And I said, well,
First the good news is
I can’t see any problem looming with his
Red blooded masculine urges,
And the whole time you’re together
He won’t even look at another woman.
He’s not the sort of man
Who’ll force himself on you
Unless you’ve got the latest issue of Vogue,
And he’ll make your flat spotless.
You’ll be up to date with all of the
Latest celebrity gossip
And he’ll be genuine interested
In how much you hate your work colleagues.
And now for the bad news.
There will be no kids
I can guarantee it.
Try as you might
You’ll never break his heart.
And be prepared to meet a lot of
Impossibly handsome young men who have all
Inexplicably missed the last bus home,
One by one, on consecutive nights.
It’s not going to happen, sister.
It’s not going to work.
Take your mind off this man, this
Aesthetically pleasing man, this sensitive
Teasing perfumed perfect
Moisturiser tube squeezing
Eyebrow tweezing
Salad seizing
Wit so cold it’s
Almost freezing man
For whom the dance of life
Is to dance all night
With the kind of type
He likes to like
Which I’m afraid, honey,
Is not you.
That’s a shame, she said,
He’s coming round tonight to pick up his
Black and Decker Angle Grinder.
Oh, I said,
In that case I take it all back.
Poem
I met a wizard, a sage,
A man of his age
Whose wage was to lift
His spells from the page,
Engage with souls and enrage
As if locked in a cage,
Mix emotions, persuade, rampage,
Oh, how I would gauge
With a hint of outrage
As I performed on the stage,
He was an old man
So he wasn’t teenage,
His name was Adrian
But his friends called him Adge.
I said,
Wise man,
Tell my why people are suffering,
For when my heart is fluttering
I hear a low muttering,
It’s happening right now
Over the coughing and spluttering,
Like a YouTube clip
That won’t stop buffering.
Why is this world filled with hate and with
Torture, and hunger and greed,
People who don’t get what they need,
It’s like hatred has planted a seed
Which won’t go away
Until we are freed,
Plus a lot of people
Routinely lose their car keys,
And soldiers,
Dressed in their khakis,
So glib their humour, so sarky,
So cold outside, it really is parky,
It’s a lark, see.
Oh wise man, I beseech thee,
You could teach me,
I’m out of reach, see.
If I was a germ you could bleach me.
Oh wise man, unleash me.
He opened his mouth to speak, see,
Thought about it deeply,
Cleared his throat and said,
Well
And I said,
Give me all your learnings, I’m yearning
To feel that burning
And the world turning,
Life is unfurling
Like ideas thrown in the air
I’m hurling
Concepts at ya,
What philosophy can we capture,
Or otherwise enrapture.
Tell me wise man,
Have you got it beat?
Is the street your retreat to make
Your life complete
Like a celebrity reTweet
Tell us why
Life ain’t so sweet.
He pondered and said,
The trouble is
And I said,
I crave the truth quell the horror in my brain,
The souls I fear who die in their millions,
The humanity of which we are all a part,
I no more fear the truth, let it blaze like a bonfire
As it wells from deep within, for I cannot help but cry
At all the lies that blind us,
And he said, the thing is
And I said,
Blinded by the clap trap,
I’d rather eat a flapjack,
Drive around in a hatchback,
Wear a backpack,
And he said, if I might interject
And I said
Back catch
Sack crack
Hackensack
Crackerjack
Luggage rack
Quarter back
Pontiac
Anorak
Piggyback
And he just walked off.
Some new poems I’ve been working on.
Poem
Check in desk one is closed
And check in desk two is closed
And check in desk three is closed
And check in desk four is closed
And check in desk five is closed
And check in desk six is out to lunch
But
Check in desk seven
Is manned by a chicken.
Did you pack your bag yourself
Did you have your bag all the time.
Have you any liquids or
Small firearms
Did you book your ticket on line.
Buck-aaaaapppp!
I’m still alive
There are so many things.
That can kill you
But none of them have
Killed me yet
Unless you’re reading this
In a posthumous collection.
I’m very much alive.
My chakras may be misaligned
Like wonky buses in the bus station
And my feng shui
Might be all too much feng
And not enough shui
But I’m still alive
And when I saw that chicken
Operating the airline computer
And issuing boarding passes I
Thought
Good for you.
Good for you, chicken.
Good for you.
And I want to live and I want to fly and I want to have a real good time and i want to make this life the best I can I want to be a real man that’s the plan
I want to live the life ecstatic I want to be the absolute best I want to breathe the sweet sweet air I want to feel the wind in my hair.
I want to live.
At that moment.
A representative of the airline arrived.
And she said
Sorry, is this chicken harrassing you?
It doesn’t represent the airline or any
Of its associated companies.
We’re so sorry.
We’re calling security.
Check in desk one is closed
And check in desk two is closed
And check in desk three is closed
And check in desk four is closed
And check in desk five is closed
And check in desk six is out to lunch
And now we’ve got to just stand here.
Poem
Since you left me
I’ve been able to get so much
More done.
I painted the skirting board.
Put up a shelf.
Learned some rudimentary expressions
In Cantonese.
Cleaned the oven.
Planted some hanging baskets.
And I finally got round
To cataloging my cd collection.
I can’t believe
It’s been thirteen and a half years.
Poem
At night
The lighthouse syncopated flashes she translates
In morse.
Irregular yet beautiful words,
Strange juxtapositions,
Poetic devices and
Postmodern cut-ups
Beamed to her coastal cottage.
Who might be this
Mysterious lighthouse keeper?
This poet of the senses?
Enthralled,
She strikes out across the shale
In a trance-like state,
Those breathtaking words
Spurring her on
Only to find
An automated lighthouse
And a restless cormorant.
Poem
My friend Ben is monotone.
He says things and they’re monotone.
He speaks to me he’s monotone.
He laughs at things in monotone.
When he has sex he’s monotone.
Unmoving and quite monotone
No tonal shifting monotone
Call him on the telephone
And wait there for the dialling tone
Then he comes on all monotone.
My friend Ben is monotone
He drives a Toyota.
Poem
My cousin Phil
Slipped at the top of Box Hill
Bounded end over end
In a never ending cartwheel
Right from the very top,
Then straight through the middle
Of a loving couple’s picnic,
Damaging a sausage roll
And two scotch eggs
Virtually beyond repair
Falling at such a velocity
His shoes flew off
And one of them clouted a nun
Who shook her fist at him.
He, er, he, huh huh, he died.
Poem
People always ask me
What I think
Might be
The meaning of existence.
Poem
I cheated on my eyetest.
I remembered every line.
I cheated on my eyetest.
The optician said I was fine.
I cheated on my eyetest
It felt so good to do it.
I cheated on my eyetest.
I breezed my way right through it.
I cheated on my eyetest.
This morning I walked into a bus stop.
Poem
They said it was full of monsters and guns,
Hot humid nights and mist hung over verdant valleys,
This ain’t no place for a stranger.
Scared out my wits in Burnsville.
A one stop truck stop on a highway heading south,
Too hot to sleep in an un-air conditioned motel,
Nothing on the tv, no Ant and Dec
Scared out my wits in Burnsville.
A glowing Coke machine attracts moths and flies,
Throws out its glow on the melted Tarmac road.
I’m probably thousands of miles from the nearest Lidls.
Scared out my wits in Burnsville.
There’s a Bush in the White House
And bumper sticker pro-gun slogans.
When I ordered in a diner the room went very quiet.
Scared out my wits in Burnsville.
There’s an ice machine on the motel verandah
And everyone’s drinking Mountain Dew, though
It’s a relief to see they still have McDonalds over here in the US
Scared out my wits in Burnsville.
Country music on the radio, preachers on the radio,
Jesus is out to get me with his AK47
And now on channel 53 for some reason, ‘Are You Being Served?’
Scared out my wits in Burnsville.
The motel laundry doors lit bright fluorescent
Shining hot shirtless lads operate the tumble dryers
I linger in the doorway just a fraction too long
Scared out my wits in Burnsville.
Hot drip sweat rolls under my Arsenal tshirt
A low moany groan emanates from the woods
I’m probably not going to get the latest cricket results
Scared out my wits in Burnsville.
The highway sighs as if it’s all too much
The long grass crickets fill the night with sound
The whole place seems to have a malevolent intent
Scared out my wits in Burnsville.
The hillsides loom and
The neon buzzes and
The passing trucks growl and
The world smells of creosote
And disappointment,
Something sticky and
Unsettling in the
Heat of the night,
Restless dreams in wooden homes,
This covered fold, this
Hidden valley,
And I start to wonder, to empathise,
Try to imagine those who spend their lives
Hidden in closets and churches,
Daring to love only in their imagination,
Peering out through fly screen doors
At total strangers,
I, without that frontier spirit,
An ethos without a Jesus or a Bible,
Being different just by being,
Plus you can’t get a
Decent cup of tea anywhere.
I’m scared. I’m scared,
I’m so very very scared,
Scared out my wits in Burnsville.
The next morning
I had breakfast in a diner
And the waitress
Made me read her the menu
Because she liked my accent
And the man at the next tab,e
Asked if I knew his cousin
In Clapham.
Poem
There’s a circus in the town.
The big tops on the green
There’s s circus in the town
The biggest one I’ve seen
There’s a circus in the town
But I am not so keen
There’s a circus in the town
The clowns are really mean.
Six of them this morning.
In the beach front coffee shack
Sadly stirring their cappuccinos
With the face paint flaking
The whole place reeked of
Caffeine and stale disappointment.
One of them was reading the Daily Mail
And nodding in agreement with
The letters to the editor.
Poem
Ben,
He’s trying to park his car.
Not getting very far.
He’s worked out all the angles wrong
He’s got
The car stuck in first gear
He’s getting nowhere near
The place he wants the thing to go
And now
The traffic’s building up
I guess he’s out of luck
Drivers are shaking their fists
At him
They really are appalled
And now he’s gone and stalled
The sweat is rolling down his brow
And now
The satnav’s voice comes on
She says he’s got it wrong
And now it is recalculating
He
Cares not one iota
For his grey Toyota
He wishes that he had a bike
It’s like
His life is on the blink
He finds it hard to think
Things now are so complicated
Rams
The car into reverse
He couldn’t have chosen a worse
Moment to do such a thing
He scrapes
His car against a van
It’s owned by a big man
With tattoos and a sour expression
That night
He gets home to his wife.
Coquettishly,
She pats the bed
Next to her and says,
Over here, big boy,
My brave warrior.
He leaps on to the mattress,
Misses, collides with the bedside cupboard,
The lamp stand slowly spinning around
As he lands in a crumpled heap on the floor.
Poem
That dream again.
All hot and humid in the sultry night,
Me in bed, and he’s there,
The prince of darkness,
Olympic diver Tom Daley,
Preparing for a back flip on to the duvet
He’s wearing Superman boxer shorts and,
Inexplicably, a cowboy hat.
He comes often between the hours
Of two and three,
Bathed in an ethereal glow,
imparts his wisdom,
Says things like,
‘The best way out of Basingstoke
In the rush hour
Is the A331 heading towards Farnham.
Love is an accident, pure chance,
A private dance
Skipping on fate
And being brave, it comes
Deep from within.
We’re talking about professor Brian Cox
And how his tv shows, informative as they are,
Might be half an hour shorter if he didn’t
Speak
So
Slowly.
The cat wants to be put out, and Tom
Volunteers,
Come here Kevin, he says,
Come here.
The cats called Kevin.
Mists swirl and time does that thing it does,
Rewinds.
I’ve only ever wanted companionship,
A guide through life,
A small banana farm in northern Queensland
And Olympic diver Tom Daley
This afternoon I bought the latest
NewYorker and a packet of custard cream biscuits
And Tom immediately chided me for
Eating too many.
What an appetite you have.
Why is it so untidy in here?
When was the last time you went
Around with the duster?
That picture’s crooked.
When you walk wearing those trousers,
(Those ones, there),
I can hear a shushing sound.
Softly, dusk fell,
Just like the Ukrainian who
Tom defeated in the European quarter finals,
Yet without that big belly flop that became
An Internet click bait Youtube hit,
Dusk, hiding with it the pain and the paranoia
As well as his classically handsome features,
Trained, toned physique,
Winning smile, you know how
People have often said we could
Be twins.
When Frankenstein’s monster tore himself
From the angst and ennui of the
Mer de Glace in Chamonix he passed
Right through Surrey on his journey north,
Just like Tom Daley on his way from the
Bournemouth diving championships
To an exhibition he undertook in
Milton Keynes
Whereat I nabbed a pair of his pants.
My friend Anne once opined that
True love is not caring when your sweetheart
Leaves a floater in the toilet bowl
After having a dump.
My hand reaches out,
Fumbles for the custard creams,
Finds nothing there.
Evidently
I felt incredibly privileged, yesterday, to sample the fantastic array of poetry in Manchester, and to perform a feature slot at Evidently.
I’ve been to a few vibrant poetry nights up and down the country, and Evidently is definitely one of the best. The show is hosted by Kieran King with such energy and gusto as to be wholly infectious. His enthusiasm for every single performer radiates out and ripples across the audience like a Mexican wave. Every open mic poet is greeted with cheers and clapping and whoops, which must be especially exciting for a first-timer. How wonderful it is to see fresh talent being encouraged in such a way!
The venue is amazing. Google Maps sent me to a light industrial estate somewhere in Salford. I wondered if there had been an error, and as the mist began to roll in from the moors, (or wherever the mist rolls in from in these parts, as I’ve virtually no knowledge of Manchester or it’s geography), a strange magic overtook the night. Neon became blurred, the tower blocks loomed like tombstones, late night garages glared fluorescent light out into the gloom, and then, all of a sudden, the Eagle Inn appeared.
A beautiful old pub, preserved against the neighborhood, with brown tiled walls and architectural flourishes, fireplaces and flagstone floors, the place seemed perfect to evoke a Manchester of the past. As if to reinforce the image, a jukebox was playing The Smiths, and a young man at the bar was singing along, every now and then apologizing to me by saying, ‘They’re just wonderful, the Smiths, and this is my favourite song’.
Evidently is held in the back room of the pub. The back room has a stage and a balcony. The magic is reinforced by the subtle lighting of the room and the way it fills with souls coming in from the dark to spill their words to an appreciative audience. You could smell winter clinging on to their overcoats as the room filled to the brim. Others went upstairs and watched from the balcony.
My own set was a typical blend of Surrey whimsy and pink puppet shenanigans, the audience seemed to enjoy it very much. And then the open micers came on.
One thing that always strikes me about my own local scene in South Devon is the sheer variety. I’ve been to other towns, and each one seems to have its own style, but little variety. In London there’s rap, and it’s good rap, but after eight or nine rappers you begin to tire a little. In Bristol there’s the three-rhymes-per-line lets-all-be-nice-to-each-other style which is also very good and very effective but a little wearing after a while. But Evidently last night was different. It had variety, it had energy, it had humour and it had serious poems.
I wish I’d taken some names down. A poet did a wonderfully effecting piece about civil rights and police brutality which almost made me want to video it and show it to everyone. A young lady of 17 made her debut and recited a fantastic poem about what it means to be 17 and finding your place in the world. There was a chap called Alabaster (I believe), funny and engaging. Jamie Harry Scrutton was hilarious and energetic and I just wanted to take him home with me. Indeed,there were too many to mention here, and then to top it all off, Tony Walsh did a quick set about empowering women and women’s rights. Fantastic stuff!
Rose Condo did a brilliant set, too. Geography, the human spirit, bus stops, Winnipeg. She was hypnotic, truthful, she made me see the world through different eyes. In fact, everyone did.
So my first experience of Manchester was certainly positive and I feel that I should spend more time there. And yes, there was much derision over the fact that I flew up, further demonstrating that this poetry malarkey is just a glorified hobby for me rather than a business, but it only added to the sense afterwards of having had a very perculiar and very pleasant dream.
Here’s a poem I wrote while I was there.
Poem
I’m writing this poem in Manchester.
I’ve never been here before.
I didn’t know what to expect
But I wanted to find,
While I was here,
The real Manchester,
Something tangible and local that I
Can build on
As definitive proof,
(Apart from this poem), that
I have been to Manchester.
I found a Starbucks.
I found a Waterstones.
I saw on Google Maps
That there’s a Weatherspoons.
A man on the train said he was
‘going down tut pub’.
I saw another man
And he was wearing a flat cap.
I saw an advert for Yorkshire puddings.
Everyone sounds like
Daphne’s mum, from Frasier.
I feel like I’m
A long way from Guildford.
Ps, bit late now, but I’ve only just worked out why the night was called Evidently.
Which Performance Poet Are You? Take this quiz! You just have to look at what happens next!
OK, the title of this post was misleading. I just thought I’d mess with ya. It’s just my blog. That’s all it is.
So it’s been a mammoth of a week full of exciting things. The highs and lows of performance poetry. On Tuesday I performed in Exeter at the Bike Shed with All Of Our Poets Are Musos. I really enjoyed the variety and mix of music and spoken word, even if I did have to look up what a ‘muso’ was. The highlight of the night for me was the wonderful Chee, who makes me laugh somewhat uncontrollably with her excellent and funny songs. She’s amazing and I think I’m developing a non-sexual crush on her. My own set was accepted with laughter and hilarity, which is kind of what I wanted. And afterwards, she leaned across to me while the next person was performing, and she whispered, ‘You had sex with an octopus’.
On Thursday I hosted my last ever Poetry Island. It’s been an amazing three years, but I knew that I couldn’t do it forever. The nights are fun and brilliant and euphoric, but there’s so much organisation goes in to the promoting and administrative side, and then I get incredibly nervous before hosting. I have to lie down on the floor of my flat and stare at the ceiling. I’ve never really told anyone about this nervous side of me before, but it becomes almost crippling. Ian Beech will be taking over, he’s a great chap and has an encyclopedic knowledge of performance poetry, as well as many contacts. The nights will be amazing under his control.
It was an emotional night, full of good humour. I did the dance for the last ever time. We put the poets in the cinema because there were so many people wanting to come in and watch, and it was great to listen to their reactions from the other room! I will certainly miss hosting, but I wont miss all the other things that go around being a host and promoter.
On Friday night, Tim King and I drove out to Salisbury to appear on the main stage at the Rest Festival. We got lost. Then we hit a kerb. Then we almost hit a rock. Then we got stuck in a traffic jam. Then we got stopped by the police. We finally arrived with about ten minutes to spare, to find the act before us was an amazing band, and when it was announced that the music had stopped for the night and that next up were two poets, the crowd kind of drifted away. Quite quickly. Nevertheless, we performed very well, even if we did scamper away as quick as we could! Got back to Tim’s house in Exeter at three in the morning. We had cheese on toast and red wine.
So that’s been my week. Oh yes, and I did that dreaded ice bucket challenge thing. The results were too embarrassing to broadcast, but if you want the video I can always send it. It was cold. Obviously. And I was not very manly.
Edinburgh Fringe, days three and four
Well I’m starting to get into the swing of it now. The rhythm. Leaflet and smile. Leaflet and smile. Poetry death match, madam? Leaflet and smile. And then go to someone else’s venue and leaflet and smile. Poetry death match, sir? And then get to your own venue and hope they damn well turn up.
‘Yes. Sounds great. I’m busy today but I will definitely come along tomorrow’. That’s what they say. But then they hear that there’s an act at the same time involving tightrope walking badgers. How can poetry possibly compete against tightrope walking badgers?
We had our best audiences over the last two days, six at a time. Yesterday was weird, though. Two of them left before the end, and one of them fell asleep. That’s never a good sign, is it? Mind you, she looked absolutely pooped. And I know how she feels. Festival fatigue set in yesterday and I just had to go to a book shop for a bit and pretend I was elsewhere. Just for a bit.
I’ve seen some really good comedy, though. Ever since last year I’d wanted to watch John Kearns, and sure enough he was brilliant, funny, inventive, harmless and likeable, and I was very glad that I went even though everywhere I go I have to lug around a big cardboard envelope containing the shows props. You have to stow it, you see. Stow it in the corner whenever you get to someone else’s show.
But the funniest thing I’ve seen is a comedy motivational show by Ken Do. Hilarious stuff, physical, character driven comedy which made me laugh like nothing else I’d seen for months. I wanted it to go on for much longer than it did even when Ken invited me up to help him illustrate some of his confidence building measures.
Everyone should go and watch this show, it’s at Pivo at seven each day.
Been performing elsewhere, too, at an event called Jibba Jabba. The audience is generally bigger than ours. It’s a confidence thing, you see.
There’s something weird happening, too. I mean, weirder than walking round in a tshirt which has a picture of your own face on it. People keep saying, ‘I’ve seen you before, were you here last year?’ And someone asked me if I was married to Sarah Millican. I’m not. I did a Google picture search on ‘Sarah Millican’s husband’. It was scary. Try it.
One day to go, now. I feel for my fellow poets who are here for the month. Jack Dean, Rob Auton, Tina Sederholm, Dominic Berry, it must be so, so tiring and emotionally draining. On the plus side, they’re probably not staying in a tent. Forty year old and I’m camping. Never again!
Home tomorrow. I’m typing this at a picnic bench on a campsite at seven in the morning. How I long for simple comforts, like doors and a roof!
Foibles in Guildford and Other Poetic Adventures
This week I felt really badly. For the first time that I can remember, I cancelled going to a poetry gig and performing. Taking the Mic in Exeter is a brilliant event which I love. But I was just so, so tired! I asked Tim if I could phone it in from home, but I was too tired even to do this!
The reason was that I had a gig the night before in Guildford at the excellent Pop Up Poetry, run by Janice Windle and Donall Dempsey, two enthusiastic and lovely people who I first met a couple of years ago on a previous visit. This time they asked me to do a twenty minute slot, and even better, my sister came along to watch. It was the first time she had ever seen me before, and I’m glad that I didn’t suck that night.
The audience were amazing and receptive and my set was greeted with applause and laughter in all the right places, even if I did emit a loud belch halfway through one of the poems!
The one drawback was that I had to get up at half four the next morning to get the train back to Deb’n. Hence my fatigue the next night when Taking the Mic rolled around.
It had been a week of performing. The Friday before I’d participated in the poetry tent at GlasDenbury. Yes, you read that write, a music festival in the small Devon village of Denbury. There were young people there, and they played the music terribly loudly, and the headliners were those mighty rock leviathans Dr And the Medics.
The best part of performing at a festival was the wristbands. I wore mine for two days afterwards to show everyone that I had two wristbands. The first said ‘Artist’. The second was proof that it over 18. You know, just in case it wasn’t too obvious.
And then the next day I was performing at Paignton Green for the Family Fun Day. I was with two poetry friends, Ellie and Brenda, and we all decided we would do family friendly material. Which was ok, except Brenda decided to edit as she went along, and quickly had to change a very dodgy line mid-poem from explaining exactly what she did with the cheese-cutter knickers to ‘and then something else happened’.
It was good performing in my adopted home town. Especially because there was just a two minute walk home. Unlike the Guildford gig.
So that’s what I’ve been up to the last few days. And now I’m working on the Poetry Island Anthology, which will be available very soon!
A busy week. And a new poem.
The week started weirdly and then it just got weirder as it went on. But that’s what happens when you’re a performance poet, apparently.
You know that crazy hazy place you inhabit just before you wake, when dreams and reality kind of combine until you don’t really know what’s going on? I dreamed that I was at a poetry night watching Simon Williams, and he was reciting a poem called ‘There’s A Penguin In My House’. It all seemed so vivid and real and I had his voice right thee in my head. And when I woke, I could still remember the words! So the first thing I did was to write them down.
Nothing like a parrot though I’m told
Nothing like a parrot though I’m told
Though it’s got a dainty beak
every now and then a squeak
There’s s penguin there’s a penguin there’s s penguin in my house.
The next weird thing to happen was that Chris Brooks phoned me at work to say that he wasn’t feeling too good, and could I take his performance poetry workshop that night in Torquay? I said yes, and then only afterwards thought how I could possibly get away with leading a workshop and professing to know something about a subject through which I have bumbled in the most part.
But the group was excellent and enthusiastic, and the next thing I knew was that I ha dispensed with the lesson plan that Chris had sent me. Indeed, we all probably had too much fun. Apparently there was a lot of giggling.
Tuesday morning I went to the library quiet room and had a good writing session, coming up with two great new poems which I shall no doubt perform somewhere, some time.
Wednesday passed without incident.
On Thursday, I was asked to do an unannounced three minute set at Chris Brooks’ comedy night, Jocular Spectacular. On these nights, I usually do the door for him, so to throw people off the scent I wore a t-shirt and shorts for my door duties before changing into my performance clothes once the show had started. Chris informed the audience that I was only there so that the comedy night could apply for an arts council grant by proving that it had other art forms. The audience was amazing, really receptive and warm, the two poems I performed, ‘Titanic’ and ‘Baton Twirling Eel’, going down very well indeed. The headliner was Mitch Benn. I’d heard of him. I sat in the green room with him after my set. He didn’t say anything.
I left the venue to find my train home was delayed. And then when I finally got home at midnight, I discovered that I was locked out! I had to go to the shop where I work and borrow blankets and pillows, and then go to the flat I’m currently moving in to and sleep on the floor all night.
I say slept. I didn’t get much sleeping done. Hey fever, for a start. Secondly, it was damn uncomfortable. Thirdly, I’ve slept with earplugs ever since I was a teenager and I didn’t have any for the first time in years. All of a sudden I had superhearing. I could hear cars three roads away. Birds. Trees. It was very disconcerting.
Saturday, and rehearsals in Barnstaple for Spectacular Vernacular. Yes, it’s confusing being in two shows, one called Spectacular Vernacular, the other called Jocular Spectacular. In searing heat,I took the train to Exeter and shared the journey, by chance, with actor and comedian, star of stage and TV, James Cotter. We chatted about theatrical matters and it felt kind of good to hear about his career. At Exeter, he got off and Daniel Haynes got on, and so did fifteen drunk England fans, who spent the rest of the journey singing such classics as Minnie the Moocher and American Pie.
Rehearsals went well enough. A tin of tuna kept falling out of my flasher’s overcoat. That was the only setback.
Tim King offered a lift home to Paignton, and Saskia came along because she was going clubbing in Torquay. Tim’s sat nav diverted us into the sticks and, as the sun went down on a very hot Devon evening, we kind of drifted off the face of the earth. We passed a cheese factory. Then the road was closed for unspecified reasons, so we had to go back past the cheese factory. It was a very camp little factory. It had big chimney stacks. I wondered why a cheese factory should need chimney stacks, but there you go. By the time we got to Torbay three hours later, the streets were crowded with revelry makers, what with their being Football On and a UB40 concert on the sea front.
Arrived home knackered, and felt somewhat for Tim, who now had to drive all the way back to Exeter.
So it’s been a very busy week, and next week promises to be just as busy with nine shows over four days in Exeter, and a gig on Wednesday night too. But that’s the life of a performance poet, apparently.
Anyway, here’s one of my new poems.
Poem
For years
My parents didn’t know their neighbour’s names.
One day their neighbours walked past and said hello
And their dog got it’s head stuck in the
Slats of the gate.
My parents forever then referred to them as
Dog’s Head Stuck In Gate Man And Woman.
Oh look, they’d say,
There goes Dog’s Head Stuck In Gate Man And Woman
As the two of them walked past
Exercising their dog.
I thought how strange life is
And the certain barriers which we create
Such as names and other niceties
That this amiable couple should
Forever be defined, after a lifetime,
As Dog’s Head Stuck In Gate Man And Woman
Forever imbuing that one lame incident
With all kinds of semantics.
One day I visited
And Dog’s Head Stuck In Gate Man And Woman past
Without their dog.
‘Where’s Dog’s Head Stuck In Gate Man And Woman’s dog?’
I asked
And dad said, ‘it died, unfortunately’.
And I said ‘so what do you call them now?’
And mum said, ‘Philip and Beryl’.
Who are we and why do we do it? (Perform poems, I mean).
This week I was asked by someone who the ‘persona’ was that I adopt when I’m performing. The person asked this because whenever I perform I tend to wear the same shirt and trousers and I told them that this was my ‘costume’. The person I told this to is in the theatre so they took this to mean that I became a character whenever I performed.
Ah, I said.
And then I got to thinking that maybe she was correct, and that the person who stands up and does things into a microphone is not the same sort of person who does everything else that I do. The Robert Garnham who gets trains and goes to work and eats a flapjack and goes to the supermarket is not the same Robert Garnham who performs poems about orgasms and trousers.
The question then came up again during rehearsals for a show that I’m involved in. ‘Who is the narrator of this poem?’, I was asked. And to be honest, it’s not something I’d even thought about. (The poem is about orgasms).
Anyone who does anything performative it always a different person in front of other people. And yet this persona is bound to have qualities of the person underneath. Whether or not this is an unexplored side of that person, or an exaggeration, depends, I suppose, on the act itself. I’d always thought that my ‘character’ of ‘Robert Garnham’ was a bit of an academic buffoon whose poetry aims for the deep while accidentally provoking much sniggering and laughter. Which, I suppose, is a pretty fair summation of what I do, but also of who I am underneath.
I’m always saying the wrong thing.
I looked at all of my favourite poets and performers. John Hegley becomes somewhat school-teacher-ish when he does his thing. On the one occasion that I worked with him, he was a completely normal chap before he went on stage. (Mind you, we’d both got to the venue late because we’d both got hopelessly lost on the way). Rachel Pantechnicon is very clearly a constructed character who bares very little resemblance to the person who plays her. Yet there is still a slight resemblance of sorts. Both have taken aspects of their normal character and infused them into their stage presence.
But there’s also a form of wish-fulfilment. In the case of Robert Garnham, there’s a sense that he becomes the sort of person on stage that he wants to be in real life. He doesn’t usually get everyone’s attention in any situation apart from when he’s behind the mic. He’s always the one who gets spoken over during staff meetings at work. Yet he’s always the one who’s proved right. He hates staff meetings.
So why does he do this strange performance every now and then? Because he can? Because there are underlying issues? Because he just wants to entertain? Because he’s always been incredibly jealous of Pam Ayres? It’s probably a combination of all of this. Plus, it’s really good when people laugh.
I told the theatre director that the persona I adopt himself has a persona which changes with every poem. There are many meta-layers and semantic possibilities within this. Robert Garnham becomes ‘Robert Garnham’ who then becomes “Robert Garnham”. This explanation seemed to satisfy her and then she asked the same question to another poet.







