Why have your shorts got so many pockets?

Why have your shorts got so many pockets?
Why are there pockets galore?
Who looks at their pockets and thinks, you know what?
I really could do with some more.

Pockets aplenty and pockets sublime
There’s a pocket on each of your knees
Pockets on pockets and poppers in pockets
Now, where on earth are your keys?

Why have your shorts got so many pockets?
Your shorts they must weigh half a tonne.
A pocket on your thigh and two on each side
And you’ve even got four on your bum.

Why have your shorts got so many pockets?
Is it a sign of alpha male maturity?
So much metal, probably best not to wear them
While going through airport security.

Why have your shorts got so many pockets?
Do you carry lots of spanners and such?
I’ve never seen shorts with so many pockets
There’s even a pocket on your crotch,

Zippers and poppers and buttons and Velcro
And poppers and zippers god knows why.
Stand at the urinals desperate for a pee
You’ve forgotten which one is your fly.

Why have your shorts got so many pockets?
Have you really got so much to do?
Or are you a short wearing deadly assassin,
Your shorts being camouflaged too.

Why have your shorts got so many pockets?
Is it something for which you might brag?
‘Look at me with all of my pockets!’
What’s wrong with a carrier bag?

Author: Robert Garnham

Performance and spoken word artist.

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