Replacement Bus Service

Poem

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

It’s personal
It’s galling
Those three words
So appalling

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

I was almost home
I was on my own
It came on
The microphone
The whole train
Let out a groan

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

So comfy
So rested
My money
I’d invested
In a sandwich
For eight quid

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

It’s personal
It’s galling
Those three words
So appalling

It’s not fair
Don’t deserve it
My seat was
Not reserved
And now I’m
In the vestibule
I’m such a fool
In the vestibule

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

It’s almost time
We’re almost near
Into every heart
Who holds dear
These words strike
So much fear

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

It’s personal
It’s galling
Those three words
So appalling

I sit with
A life coach
He said hey
I’m a life coach
Just trust me
I’m a life coach
And be happy
Just like me
Because I
Am a life coach
But he looked so
Miserable
As he got
On he coach

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

It really is
A tough day
I was queuing
In the buffet
And just as I
Was about to say
Can I have
A coffee?

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

It’s personal
It’s galling
Those three words
So appalling

The man in charge
Hit by lightning
It was so
Very frightening
He was the
Conductor

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

I don’t fear
Armageddon
And I’m not one
For religion
But I quiver
When you mention

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

It’s personal
It’s galling
Those three words
So appalling

The Lad with
No ticket
He really
Couldn’t risk it
He hid in
The toilet
He’s probably
Still in there

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

I was sitting
In the quiet zone
Felt so peaceful
I was on my own
Now there’s music
From a mobile phone

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

It’s personal
It’s galling
Those three words
So appalling

Some people
Take so long
To sit down
As they faff around
And just when
They manage to

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

Excuse me
I think you
Will find that
You’re sitting
In my seat
Get out please

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

It’s personal
It’s galling
Those three words
So appalling

The fear now
Is spreading
Those words that
I’m dreading
Welcome
To Reading!

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

Excuse me
Says a lady
To the driver
Where is first class?
And the driver
Says ha ha
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha
There isn’t one

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

It’s personal
It’s galling
Those three words
So appalling

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

My uncles
Dear funeral
It was so
Damn miserable
What’s worse was
The hearse was

Replacement
Bus service
Replacement
Bus service

Author: Robert Garnham

Performance and spoken word artist.

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