Here I am live in Torquay a couple of years ago doing all of my favourite poems at people.
I hope you like it!
Monthly Archives: January 2026
New Year’s Day Whimsy 2026
I’m a bit late posting this, but here’s the video of my New Year’s Day annual performance. I hope you like it.
Also below are those from previous years.
2025
2022
Reception
In 2010, on the way back from Australia, I stopped in Tokyo for a few days, arriving at midnight. I’d booked a hotel but they lost my booking and so began a strange few days of existentialist angst when I started asking, who am I? What is my history? Do I exist? I started writing this novel.
A few weeks later, of course, once the novel was finished, the tsunami hit, so reading this novel again always gives me a strange sense of foreboding.
Anyway, you can now read Reception as an ebook!
The New Fridge Freezer is Suspiciously Quiet
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
I don't want to cause a fuss
And I don't want to cause a riot
But the new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
Put some feta cheese in there,
Put some Camembert in there
Put some other things in there
It's very very quiet.
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
I don't want to cause a fuss
And I don't want to cause a riot
But the new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
Bought it from a man from Bern
The man from Bern his name was Bern
Fridge freezer, Swiss geezer
So so quiet.
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
I don't want to cause a fuss
And I don't want to cause a riot
But the new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
Have you turned it on?
Of course I’ve turned it on.
Have you plugged it in?
What am I, daft or something?
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
I don't want to cause a fuss
And I don't want to cause a riot
But the new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
The old one went chigga chum chigga chum
The old one went witty witty woo
The old one went chigga chum chigga chum
The old one went to the tip.
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
I don't want to cause a fuss
And I don't want to cause a riot
But the new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
I don't want to cause a fuss
And I don't want to cause a riot
But the new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.
Robert Garnham 