Mr. Bassman – A Poem – Robert Garnham

Mr Bassman

Oh Mr Bassman,
you’ve got that c-certain s-something
when you go . . .

Believe it or not
that was my dad’s favourite song.
he used to sing it all the time
when we were kids.

Oh Mr Bassman,
you’ve got that c-certain s-something
when you go . . .
A-aye yi
a-aye yi aye yi

I had no idea what it was about.
Neither did my sister.
neither did my dad.
what even is a bassman?
I was too young to know much about music.
I just thought it was a man
who really liked skirting boards.

Oh Mr Bassman,
you’ve got that c-certain s-something
when you go . . .
A-aye yi
a-aye yi aye yi
I wanna be a bassman too.

I think he only sung it to us
because it had weird sounds in it.
The only other song he sang a lot
was
I’m late, I’m late,
for a very important date.
no time to say hello goodbye
I’m late I’m late I’m late.
But Mr Bassman.
Oh, Mr Bassman was the thing.

Oh Mr Bassman,
you’ve got that c-certain s-something
when you go . . .
A-aye yi
a-aye yi aye yi
I wanna be a bassman too.
Bur b-b-bur b-b-bur b-b-bur b-bur bur

I was listening to the radio.
It was Sounds of the Sixties
presented by Brian Mathews.
(‘This is your old mate Brian Mathews saying,
that’s your lot for this week,
see you next week’).
And he said,
The next song is from
1961
And it was a minor hit for Johnny Cymbal
and it’s called
Mr Bassman,
and seriously,
it was like a kick in the goolies.

And the song started.
and the song played.
and the song came out of the radio
and all this time I’d thought it was just a song
that my dad had made up
and all the time I thought it was a piece of genius
that my dad had made up
and I tell you that a small piece of my childhood
suddenly dissolved.

but the more I listened,
the more I thought, oh, he’s doing it wrong.
Johnny Cymbal has cocked it up.
Johnny Cymbal is singing the wrong words.
This is nothing like the song my dad used to sing.
this is not how the song goes.
this is not how the song goes.
THIS
is how the song goes.

Oh Mr Bassman,
you’ve got that c-certain s-something
when you go . . .
A-aye yi
a-aye yi aye yi
I wanna be a bassman too.
Bur b-b-bur b-b-bur b-b-bur b-bur bur
BUR BUR BURRR B-B-B-BURR BURR!

(Pause).

Anyway,
Just thought I’d tell you that.
I’d better be off, now.
I’d better be off.