Spam Folder

Spam folder

Apologies, yes, I definitely
Would have been at the important committee meeting,
For I thrive on such and relish
Every moment in your company.
But I am human, and mistakes occur,
And when you add to this
The whims of modern technology,
It’s no surprise when things get missed.
The email
Must have gone in my spam folder.

Oh, I didn’t know it was your anniversary!
And the party you had - the garden party -
In which you were trying out your gas barbecue
And some recipes you’ve been practising
Involving hummus and pesto
And the exercise you were doing in which you were
To invite every attendee to meditate and find their
Inner mallard
Sounds like it would have been absolutely marvellous.
It’s a shame I didn’t go and completely missed it.
The email
Must have gone in my spam folder.

Oh my goodness I didn’t even know
That your daughter was learning the violin.
The school recital sounds like it would have been
Really really 
REALLY enjoyable.
Your email
Must have gone in my spam folder.

I didn’t even know that it was your birthday!
You should really broadcast these things.
And a party too? Dammit!
I would have loved to have come round yours and watched
A whole evening of The Three Stooges
And certainly wouldn’t have tried to
Gouge out my own eyes
with a garden trowel 
Or hope to spontaneously combust.
Your email
Must have gone in my spam folder.

Renewal of your wedding vows?
Bet that was good.
Spam folder.

Trombone concerto.
Shame.
Didn’t know.
Spam folder.

The whole of planet Earth
After the year 2016.
I didn’t see the notifications.
I didn’t see the memo.
The slow rise of fascism.
Environmental disaster.
International pandemics.
The inexorable and menacing rise of AI
And Taylor Swift.
I only heard about Taylor Swift the other day.
I thought it was a lightning quick haberdashery.
I didn’t get the note, you see.
I didn’t get prior warning.
I saw a Swedish man the other day
Cooking tinned pork and ham.
Using his spatula to curve it right round.
Spam folder. Spam folder.
It all must have gone into my spam folder.
Everything, the entire nature of existence.
It must have gone into my spam folder.

I’ll check it more often from now on.