The day my underpants caught fire


The day my underpants caught fire
Is one I recall
With tears in my eyes.

Someone said,
‘Stop your whingeing’.
I said, ‘I can’t.
There’s some serious singeing.
My boxers are aflame’.

There I was
Acting all nonchalant
When WOOF!
(I saw a dog).

The troubles of the world
Which I am shouldering
Are as nothing compared
To the smouldering
Of my crotch.

How I wish that someone
Would tackle the blaze
Before my tackle
Were ablaze.
This unsolicited Y-front inferno
Is no work of fiction
It was caused
By friction.
Some serious consternation
Caused by this conflagration.
Cheap nylon.
Climatic variables
And a fair amount of chafing
When I ran for that bus
Excuse me, no smoking in here,
Said the driver,
Wisps emanating from my trousers.

For the safety of other passengers,
Please take care
As you alight.

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