Sheep on a pogo stick

I taught a sheep to use a pogo stick. I wanted to do it so that I could unveil the sheep on the pogo stick at my sisters wedding and make some wisecrack about woolly jumpers. I spent weeks finding the right sheep. It had to be one that would not only demonstrate the necessary physical aptitude but it would also have to be glad of the limelight. And once I found the right sheep we had to go through several weeks of intensive rehearsals. I’d get home late at night, my neck aching from watching the sheep bounce up and down, my back aching from all the times I had to pick it up from the floor but by the end of the process and with just two days to go before my sister’s wedding the sheep was ready. It had a little hat and a sparkly one piece cat suit. Sheep suit. And I unveiled it at my sisters wedding just before the big ceremony and my sister just turned to me and said, ‘you’re sick. You really are sick.’

Bounce bounce baa baa bounce bounce baa
Bounce bounce baa baa bounce baa baa
Baa baa baa baa bounce bounce baa
Bounce bounce baa baa bounce bounce baa

Bounce bounce baa baa bounce bounce baa
Bounce bounce baa baa bounce baa baa
Bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce
Baa
You really are sick she said she said.

Do you take this, yes I do,
Do you take this, yes I do,
I now pronounce you blah blah blah
Bounce bounce baa baa bounce bounce baa.
Woolly jumper, I shouted.

Nobody laughed.
I could have had a llama on stilts but I wouldn’t have been able to use the same punchline.

Author: Robert Garnham

Performance and spoken word artist.

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