An ode to Giraffes! (Just a heads up)

Giraffes have got four knees
Giraffes eat leaves from trees
Giraffes are so tall that they can smile
At passing bumble bees.

Giraffes don’t usually eat jelly
Giraffes are sometimes on the telly
And because of all the leaves they eat
Giraffes farts are very smelly.

Giraffes are shy when dating.
Giraffes aren’t good at gesticulating
Giraffes can’t help you paint the ceiling
When you’re decorating.

Giraffes don’t need loose change.
Giraffes sometimes come down with the mange.
And because of their incredibly long necks,
Giraffes have a good vocal range.

Giraffes have got four hooves.
Giraffes know all the moves.
And when a giraffe has a very sore throat,
One hundred lozenges is the only thing that soothes.

Giraffes are nothing like ptarmigans
Giraffes don’t usually wear cardigans
Giraffes don’t do anything that rhymes
With ptarmigans or cardigans.

Giraffes don’t send emails
Giraffes have swishy tails
And because of their peripheral vision
Giraffes can see all the snails
When they’re putting the bins out.

So if I come home with a giraffe
Please don’t laugh at my giraffe
They’re just like you and they’re just like me
Except that they don’t fit in the bath.

Author: Robert Garnham

Performance and spoken word artist.

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