What shall we do with the blocked-up sink?

The Ballad of the blocked-up sink

What shall we do with the sink that’s bunged up?
Call for a plumber and wait for the thumbs up?
Or poke it with a stick and see what comes up?
I think I’ll fetch my plunger.

Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Let’s do this ourselves
And shut your stink hole
We don’t need a plumber.

You saw me pumping with the plunger like a mad thing
I suppose it’s exercise that’s not such a bad thing
At the end of the day the only really sad thing
Is if we have to call a plumber.

Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Let’s do this ourselves
And shut your stink hole
We don’t need a plumber.

This plunger that I’m using is one that I cherish
The rubber on it has started to perish
All this plunging is making me peckish
We don’t need a plumber.

Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Let’s do this ourselves
And shut your stink hole
We don’t need a plumber.

I don’t think it’s working in fact it’s getting worse
It’s like some kind of jinx or perhaps a horrid curse
I must say that it’s sensual or is that quite perverse?
We don’t need a plumber!

Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Let’s do this ourselves
And shut your stink hole
We don’t need a plumber.

I don’t mean to be mean or perhaps a little blunt
This plunger is useless it’s bearing such a brunt
Our neighbour’s must be wondering what we’re doing each time I grunt
Sounds like we’re having fun, though.

Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Let’s do this ourselves
And shut your stink hole
We don’t need a plumber.

Getting in to it now though it’s hotter than the summer
Now you’ve called for help that really is a bummer
It’s not a ménage a trois, folks, he’s just the plumber
But the neighbour’s don’t really know that.

Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
Plunge plunge
In the sinkhole
We can’t do this ourselves
And shut your stink hole
OK let’s call a plumber.

Author: Robert Garnham

Performance and spoken word artist.

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