I want to be a submariner

I want to be a submariner
Floating under the sea
Down there in a tin can,
Oh what luxury!
I’d surround myself with sailors
All so very blokey
Though we wouldn’t play much table tennis
What with it being so pokey.

I want to be a first officer
With stripes upon my arm
I’d buy myself a pet cockatoo ,
Well really what’s the harm?
I’d get promoted every week
And my friends I would personally thank,
Cause when it comes to promotion
It’s all about having a good rank.

My best friend would be a rear admiral,
We all stand to attention.
He’s done so many good things for me,
Too many that I can mention.
I asked him a favour granted,
And he gave me permission
To charge my mechanical Donkey Kong
With the onboard nuclear fission.

Our captain gets very angry
He always ignores the truth.
We nickname him ‘the periscope’
Because he goes through the roof.
He tells us when we’re working
That we shouldn’t take such risks.
We almost bombed Nicaragua
Because I was eating a packet of crisps.

I’d really like to assure you
That were not a bunch of wusses.
Trapped down here in a submarine
With the whales and octopuses.
My good friend Pete is always moaning
That he doesn’t get to see many boobs.
Last night we all took our shirts off
And greased up the torpedo tubes.

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